Five Months!

My sweet baby girl turned 5 months old on Monday! This past month has been great in many ways and challenging in others. I love watching her grow and learn. It is definitely the most gratifying part of motherhood for me. But with that learning and growth also comes different challenges that make me feel very inept, and when you combine that with my current situation of living in a hotel in Alabama, it makes for some interesting times.

Jane's nighttime sleep routine the past few weeks has been really hard. There are some nights she wakes up every 2 hours from 8:00 PM until 6:00 AM wanting to eat. It's KILLING me. I worried about trying the "cry-it-out" method because we are living in a hotel and have neighbors on 4 sides of us. Not only that, but most of these neighbors are aviators and the Army imposes minimum sleep quotas. If you don't get at least 7 hours of sleep at night you are considered "high-risk" and they may not let you fly. I didn't feel right allowing my child to keep half of Army Lodging awake at night. However, 2 nights ago she woke up at 9:00 after going to sleep at 8:00 and I decided it was early enough that most people wouldn't be asleep yet anyways. We let her cry and she cried for 30 minutes and then fell asleep until 12:30. I fed her at 12:30 and she fell asleep again until 4:30, ate again, then slept until 7:00 AM. Last night, she cried for 15 minutes, woke up at 1:30 and 5:45 to eat, then slept until 8:00. I am really encouraged and hope that we are breaking some of her bad habits. I can handle getting up twice a night, especially when it is spread over a 12-hour period. Hopefully it will continue.

Although there are hard times, we have lots of good times too. Jane is still small, but she is growing and gets cuter every day. I love this picture of her with Jimmer. We went outside one afternoon and I took this magazine to read. I set it in her carseat so I could carry her back inside and this is what I saw when I set her down. I love how her little hand is holding it. So cute! When we took her in for her 4 month checkup last month she weighed in at a whopping 12 lb 1 oz, which is only the 10th percentile. The doctor suggested we start her on solids and after much debate and a second opinion (thanks again Jenny!) we decided to start her on rice cereal. It's not going so well and I'm starting to think she's just not ready. Jane is a petite baby girl but she's not sickly or lethargic. She has plenty of fat rolls around her legs and bum and is active and happy. Maybe we'll try again in a few weeks. This particular day I tried mixing the cereal with sweet potatoes which went a little better, but not much. Oh well.

This past weekend Jane started sitting up on her own. She is still a little tipsy but does really well overall.

Motherhood is definitely an adventure! Hopefully we can make it through babyhood without too much permanent damage on either side. Despite the challenges I LOVE being Jane's mom. She is by far the best thing that ever happened to me.

Georgia Adventures Part 1

Last weekend we took advantage of our close proximity to Atlanta and visited the Smith family. I met Christine my freshman year at BYU and we have been friends since. It was wonderful spending time with her, her hubby Decker, and their sweet daughter Laralyn.

Zoo Atlanta

The atrium at the CNN complex in downtown Atlanta.

World of Coca-Cola.

Jane was asleep in the stroller and missed the photo-op with the Coke bear.

My friend Nemili from high school lives in Athens, GA while her husband Niles completes his post-doc at the University of Georgia. Niles is also a friend from high school (my date to Senior Ball in fact) and it was so fun to catch up with them. They have a little boy named Linus and Jane thought he was hilarious. She would look at him and start laughing. He would look at her like she was crazy. It was really cute.

Florida Adventures Part 2

The first week of March my mom and grandma flew down to visit for a week. We drove down to Pensacola, Florida for a few days and stayed in a little cottage on the beach at a Navy base called Naval Air Station Pensacola. Fort Rucker is the headquarters of Army aviation and Naval Air Station Pensacola is the headquarters of Naval aviation. Much to Carl's delight, Navy aviation has a long and diverse history so the Naval aviation museum (conveniently located 2 minutes away from where we were staying) is a bazillion square feet big and has a gazillion different aircraft displayed. Enough aircraft, in fact, to allow for hours (...and hours...and hours) of aircraft viewing pleasure. This museum put the Army aviation museum at Fort Rucker to shame.

We were at Pensacola the Saturday before Mardi Gras and attended the downtown Mardi Gras parade that day. Don't worry, this was a family parade. They saved the drunken, topless party for after sunset. The parade was a lot of fun. There were beads EVERYWHERE!! At first my mom was hoping to get enough beads to take home one strand for each member of her primary class, but I think she got enough for each member of the entire primary.

Jane enjoyed the beads. She looks like she is hanging on for dear life. Not too long after this picture was taken she fell asleep in Carl's arms. I wish she would fall asleep that easily at home.

One more picture for cuteness' sake. This one was taken on March 4th, the day Jane turned 4 months old. She is a darling baby if I do say so myself!

Florida Adventures Part 1

Carl's birthday fell on President's Day this year so we decided to take advantage of the three day weekend and our close proximity to Florida's gulf coast and drive to Destin. Being the off season, the rooms were cheap but fortunately the weather was lovely and the food was great. Is it sad that my favorite part of the trip was the delicious breakfast we ate on Saturday morning? The place was called "Another Broken Egg Cafe" and it was so yummy that if I was entrepreneurial I would start a franchise in Utah (no wonder I am having such a hard time losing the baby weight). Maybe we should start a tradition and spend Carl's birthday in Florida every year.

Alabama Adventures Part 1

What is there to do in southeast Alabama on a Saturday? Not much. One Saturday early in February we decided to drive down to Dothan (the closest "large" city to Fort Rucker) and go to the Wiregrass Museum of Art. Let's just say we are glad we didn't have to pay real money to see their art collections. However, directly across the street from the museum is the Guiness Book of World Records certified "smallest city block in the world." Who knew? That, my friends, is excitement at its finest.

Boot Camp

My 6 week "Boot Camp" experience at Fort Rucker ended the end of February. Overall it was a good experience, although I think I had unrealistic expectations about the results. If nothing else, I had fun and gained a little of my core muscle back (which was hammered by pregnancy). I don't have a lot of pictures, but here are a few of the morning we did yoga on the shore of Lake Tholloco.

Unrealistic Misconceptions

Thank you all for your words of encouragement about my weight issues. I am realizing that it is perfectly normal to still be packing pregnancy pounds and I just need to be patient. In other news, Jane turned 3 months old last week! These past 3 months have been the most wonderful, challenging, and exhausting 3 months of my life. I can't imagine life without her. She is such a fun baby and I love being her mom. She is smiling much more and will even giggle once in a while. She recently found her feet and will hold on to them while lying on her back on the bed. It makes changing her diaper and dressing her a little difficult. She was sleeping really well at night but has recently decided that she needs 2 night feedings again instead of one. I am hoping it is just a growth spurt. She loves to sing songs and loves to play with Carl. She is not so fond of her car seat (aka the "baby torture device") but tolerates it when absolutely necessary. She has made lots of friends here in Alabama including all of the housekeeping staff and the ladies who run the register at the dining hall. They will yell out in their thick southern accents whenever they see her, "How's baby Jane today! Aren't you so precious!" We had family pictures taken in early January before we left Utah for Alabama. I know its a little late, but here's a sampling. I will post more recent 3 month pics soon.

Jane was blessed a few days after this picture was taken, on January 9th. She did really well during her blessing. I was nervous that she would start screaming during it because she wasn't in the best mood when we left the house, but she didn't. Thanks to all who came to share this special day with us!

Mother-of-the-Year Award (and other ramblings going on in my head)

Last Thursday I earned my first ever Mother-of-the-Year Award! I knew it would happen eventually and I guess I am just grateful that it wasn't worse. Let me explain. Here at Fort Rucker we are getting into a nice Spear family routine. I wake up at 6:00, work out from 6:30 to 7:30, grab some breakfast at the main Army lodging office, then go back to our room in time for Carl to be at his class by 8:00. The Army was kind enough to give us a rental car while we are here, but we still have only one car. Many mornings we will leave Jane asleep in the room while I drive Carl to class (it takes less than 10 minutes round trip) so that I can have the car during the day in case I need it. Last Thursday after dropping Carl off I returned to the room but my key wouldn't unlock the door. It is one of those electronic card keys often used in hotels. The little lights would flash green, but the door would not open. I started panicking and said a little prayer that I could find someone to help me. To make a long story short, my neighbor came back from driving her kids to school and called the front desk for me (which, by the way, is about a mile down the road). A lady from the front desk came and tried her key, which also wouldn't work. She called the maintenance guy who had to use a funky tool to unlock the door from the inside. The whole process took about 30 minutes. The entire time I am imagining a screaming, scared baby on the other side of the door but when I finally entered the room again, Jane was fine. She was awake but groggy, probably awoken by the banging sounds the funky tool thing made. I still feel like a horrible mother and haven't left her alone since. Carl takes the car during the day and I just don't go anywhere. We'll see how long it takes for me to go crazy.

That is about as exciting as it gets in southeast Alabama. My days are simple but good. I am still trying to lose the last 10 pregnancy pounds so I work out almost every morning. I am doing an exercise program called "Boot Camp" through the physical fitness center here on post and it is a lot of fun. This morning we exercised on the shore of a lake, and last week we exercised in a barn at the Equestrian Center. I am a little discouraged about how long it is taking to lose the weight and "get my body back." I was under the impression that breastfeeding mothers are supposed to have an easier time losing the weight, but apparently I am an exception. Carl's class is going well. We are able to spend a lot of time together and I am very grateful for the opportunity I have to be here with him. I get a little homesick now and then and miss my friends and family back home immensely, but I'm doing well.

Sweet Home Alabama!

Many of you may remember my post about Carl's deployment schedule. Well, as part of Carl's pre-deployment training he is required to do a 3 1/2 month course at Fort Rucker, Alabama (the same place we lived while he completed flight school). We went back and forth about whether or not I was going to come with him this time around, but decided that with the upcoming deployment we want to be together as much as possible. After a VERY long day of traveling we made it here late Thursday night. Jane did surprisingly well on the flight and hopefully isn't too much worse for the wear.

I had mixed feelings about coming to Alabama again, but now that we are here and settled, I am SO glad we did. I admit, it was stressful trying to pack and get my house in Utah ready to close up for the winter with the baby, but with the help of my mom and some great friends we made it work. We are still getting into a new routine, but so far I am enjoying it immensely. Carl goes to class every morning at 8:00 and is done by 4:30. He doesn't have a commute. He doesn't have to fly in the evenings or go to drill on the weekends. He doesn't have scouts on Wednesday nights. So far, this feels like a mini vacation for me (we'll ask him how he feels about it in a few weeks). I am sure this is just the calm before the storm in my life this year, but I am going to enjoy it while I can.

Santa Baby

We took Jane to the mall last night to get her picture taken with Santa for the first time. The line was not only really long but we were in line behind a large group of people wanting to get pictures of their dogs taken with Santa. It was an adventure to say the least. Jane slept the entire time during her photo shoot but woke up promptly afterwards just in time to cry the entire drive home. In spite of all the craziness we sure do love our baby girl and look forward to many more photo shoots with Santa in the years to come.

Life with Jane

I can't believe my baby girl will be 6 weeks old on Thursday! A good friend told me that when raising children, the days are long but the years are short. I am beginning to understand what she meant. Things are going well at our house. My emotions are starting to level out and breastfeeding is going much, much better. Jane is a baracuda eater, which is a good thing now that I'm not so sore. She is also a good sleeper. We have our rough nights, but fortunately the last couple of nights she has slept for 5-7 hour stretches at a time, which I am very, very grateful for. I have determined that my coping skills as a mother are directly proportional to how well-rested I am. I went back to work this past week for a 4-hour shift, and will do one 4-hour shift every week through December. Fortunately, I have a flexible job and a baby that will take a bottle. It felt really good to get back, although I still have no intention on working more than a few hours a week. I feel very accomplished in that my Christmas tree is up (and decorated too) along with a few simple decorations around the house, although I haven't even started shopping yet. It may be a simple Christmas for us this year. Here are a few pictures to brighten your day:

This picture was taken yesterday morning (December 12th)

This picture was taken last Thursday, at exactly 5 weeks of age. She has been smiling off and on since, and I really hope they are real smiles and not just gas.

Who doesn't love a sleeping baby?

Jane being held by my dad, taken in Vernal on Thanksgiving Day.

Beautiful Baby Jane

Beautiful baby Jane finally arrived on November 4! She is beautiful and perfect in every way and we are so grateful for her safe arrival. My transition to motherhood has been a little rough and I would be a liar if I said that everything has gone smoothly. Breastfeeding has been a challenge that I am still working through and my emotions are all over the place. Every day gets a little better as I learn to enjoy these moments with my newborn. It is amazing to think that this tiny little baby is the one I carried for 9 months. I feel very blessed! This picture of Carl and Jane was taken yesterday and the 3 other pictures were taken at the hospital.

Trip to the Carolinas

Carl and I took a trip to South and North Carolina back in July to visit his uncle and grandmother. Carl spent a lot of time water-skiing on the lake (while I watched from the boat). We also went to the zoo in Columbia, South Carolina. These little birds really loved nectar.

My Grandma Massey grew up in Statesville, North Carolina which is only about an hour away from Carl's grandmother who lives in Mooresville. Carl and I spent the day with my Statesville relatives and had a wonderful time.

This is a picture of me in front of the house where my grandmother grew up.

Another highlight of the trip was spending a day with my dear friend Christine and her daughter Laralyn. We played in the lake in Mooresville and spent time catching up. We had a wonderful trip and can't wait to go back.

Trek!!

Trek has been over for 3 months now but I guess posting about it late is better than never. Trek was one of the most exhausting experiences of my life. The preparations leading up to the actual 3-day event were stressful and incredibly time-consuming but I wouldn't trade the experience for the world. We have amazing youth in our ward and I loved sharing this experience with them. My sacrificies seem so small and insignificant compared to what the pioneers endured. This is a picture of our family. I am the frumpy pregnant lady in case you couldn't tell. If "cute pregnant picture" is an oxymoron then "cute pregnant lady dressed up in pioneer clothing" is the ultimate oxymoron. The kids pulled me in the handcart a lot. I could walk (albeit not very fast) but they felt bad for me and wanted to help, so I let them.

Preparing for Baby

The waiting game has begun! The baby showers are over, my paycheck is dwindling, and I don't think that I can get any bigger. My due date is Sunday the 31st but I was hoping that she would be here by now. Until she decides to make her appearance I am doing my best to enjoy the time before she comes. This is a picture from my ward/neighborhood shower. Thanks again Crystal, Marie, Kelsie, and Camyll! I feel very loved and spoiled!

The nursery is pretty much ready and waiting to become occupied...

Carl has been nesting too. This is the project he has been working on this fall- building a couple of garden boxes in our little backyard. He will also be putting in a new brick patio.

I've decided that "cute pregnant picture" is an oxymoron because I don't look cute in any of my pregnant pictures, but for those who are interested here is a recent picture of me. This was taken about 2 weeks ago and I continue to get even bigger every day. If this baby doesn't come out soon I think my stomach may split open- I don't know how much more my poor body can handle!

Why Go Private?

Besides the fact that I am going to have a baby very soon and want to be able to post about her without worrying about creeps on the internet stalking us, I am also going private to protect my family when Carl is deployed next year. I want to be able to document my feelings and struggles during the experience without the whole world knowing that he is gone. I feel much safer this way. This upcoming deployment feels like a heavy shadow over my life right now in the midst of so much change already taking place, and I am hoping it will be therapeutic to share my thoughts with people I know care about me and love me. Basically what it comes down to is the fact that I am the wussiest military wife in the history of military wives. Most of our flight school friends have already experienced at least one (sometimes two or three) deployments and this is our first so I know I don't have any right to whine about it. But that doesn't change the fact that I will. The deployment is still about a year away but I still cry about it at times when I talk about it (sorry again Mary Ann for the meltdown I had on the phone with you a couple weeks ago). We are still a year from the actual deployment but starting in January Carl will be gone a lot for training. Here is the rough schedule of Carl's next couple of years (keeping in mind that it is the military and they excel at changing things at the last minute):



Mid-January through mid-May: Training at Fort Rucker, Alabama

June: 2-3 weeks of summer camp

July: Gunnery training at Mountain Home Air Force Base, Idaho

~August through October: Pre-deployment training at Fort Hood, Texas

~November 2011 through November 2012: Deployment in Iraq



The decision weighing on my mind right now is whether or not to go to Alabama with Carl for 4 months this winter. Part of me shudders at the thought of taking a newborn baby across the country for that long, but I really want my daughter to spend as much time with her daddy as possible while she can. I don't think we will really know for sure what the right decision is until after she is born. Until we make any final decisions, we will enjoy the time we have together now.

Going Private

I have a love/hate relationship with this blog. There I times that I feel I have so much to share but I worry about who will be reading it, so I just don't post. There are many changes coming into our lives in the next weeks and months and although I want to document these changes and share them with those I know and love, I want to have control over who can view it. So, if you want to continue reading this blog please leave a comment on this post, contact me on Facebook, or email me. Thanks for the understanding!

May was CRAZY!!

Let me start by saying that I am a glutton for punishment. I recognize this weakness and am working on turning it into a strength. Until that day comes, I have a feeling my life will remain crazy. For example, I am at work in early May when my boss calls and wants to talk to me. Somehow in a 5 minute conversation I agree to give an hour long presentation 4 weeks later at the Utah Pharmacists Association Convention (aka "The Dork Convention"). I need to send my presentation title and objective to the UPhA director later that same day and have my full presentation prepared, slideshow and all, less than 2 weeks later. Fortunately for me the presentation went very well and I actually had a nice time at convention (the fact that it is held in St. George and I went with 2 of my favorite technicians helped immensely).

I also had the wonderful, fabulous, incredible opportunity to fly to Austin, TX over Memorial Day weekend for a girls-only getaway with 4 of my roommates from freshman year at BYU. I've come to realize that it probably isn't the brightest thing in the world to allow 18 year-old girls to live alone together without "adult" supervision but I wouldn't trade that year of my life for anything, and I am so grateful that I am still in touch with these amazing women. It has been over 10 years since we first met and life has taken us in many different directions. I love how when we get together again it is like nothing ever changed. What a wonderful feeling it is to be known so well (through ups and downs and mistakes and trials, etc. etc.) and yet still be liked. We had a great time eating lots of authentic Texas barbecue (if I was anemic before I'm not anymore after all the red meat I ate), floating down the river, hiking "pregnant-lady" style (3 out of the 5 of us are pregnant at the moment so we couldn't exert ourselves too intenseley), shopping, looking at old picture albums, and talking late into the night. Thanks again ladies for creating more wonderful memories with me.
Somewhere in the middle of crazy May I also found out that I am having a baby girl!! I paid extra for a gender ultrasound at 16 weeks (I'm not impatient, just really excited) and sure enough, she's a girl. Carl and I didn't have a preference either way, but I admit it is really fun to know...not that I've had any time to actually shop for any cute girl stuff or begin looking at nursery colors...that will happen in August after Trek is over. For those of you who asked, I am due on October 31st and have been feeling great. I was slightly nauseous from 6-11 weeks but have felt really good since. Maybe I've earned an easy pregnancy after all the difficulties I had getting pregnant. My 20 week ultrasound is next week and I am excited and nervous at the same time. The gender ultrasound wasn't diagnostic in any way so there is a chance that something could be wrong and it just hasn't been discovered yet. I'll think positive. I am also hoping to get a good view of her face. At the gender ultrasound she was hiding her face and so all I got were beautiful pictures of her bum and her foot. Hopefully next week I'll be posting ultrasound pictures of her profile too.

Goodnight until then!

The magic of ordinary days

Several years ago I read a book titled "The Magic of Ordinary Days." I don't remember who wrote it or that it was a particularly life-changing story, but I do remember the title. It seems like my life is filled with ordinary days. Not in a bad, "my life is so miserable and dull" sort of way (I'm not writing this post for the sake of complaining or venting), just in a "not a lot changes from day-to-day" sort of way. I get up in the morning, go to work, come home, and start over the next day. I'm not a horrible pharmacist but I don't consider myself to be amazingly outstanding at my job either. I can be very impatient, easily frustrated, and I feel like there are days where every ounce of compassion is sucked out of me like a date with a dementor. I love working with the Young Women at church, but I wonder if everything I ever say to them goes in one ear and out the other. I am very grateful for the opportunity I have to plan Trek this year, but in so doing I feel like every one of my weaknesses and insecurites is staring me blatantly right in the face (if you ever need a good laugh, ask me about the borderline nervous breakdown I had last week because I couldn't schedule the cultural hall at the church for a Trek mutual activity. If ever you need verification of your own sanity, this should do the trick). Don't get me wrong, I love my ordinary life. I've never been the type that feels jealous of celebrities or powerful people. There is comfort in predictability and ambiguity. The trick is finding the magic in ordinary days. I'm not always good at it, but I'm trying. I have experiences at work almost every day where the little things I do or say make someone's day. I've seen many YW I've worked with grow into beautiful, amazing women. Trek may be the death of me, but I have a wonderful support system of friends and neighbors who are willing to help me out with planning and preparations. And just yesterday I got to hear the beautiful sound of a tiny heartbeat belonging to a life growing inside of me. THAT was a magical sound that I've been waiting a long time to hear. Not to mention the fact that every single ordinary day I get to be married to a wonderful man.
Speaking of the wonderful man, here is a picture of us taken last week during a hike to the Battle Creek waterfall in Pleasant Grove (I'm embarrassed to admit that it's been so long since I've posted a picture on my blog that I almost forgot how to plug my camera into the computer...maybe when the baby comes in October I'll actually turn in to a good blogger...I guess only time will tell).

A Few Things I Love Right Now

Simply because I have nothing better to blog about, here are a few things I love right now:

Dave Ramsey- For those of you who don't know, Dave Ramsey is a financial guru whose main goal is to get Americans out of debt. He has a radio show that broadcasts (at least in Utah) in the evenings from 7:00 to 10:00 (go to www.DaveRamsey.com for more info). Carl and I really started on his plan about 9 months ago and I can't even begin to tell you how much it has helped. We cut up the credit cards, completely paid off my student loans, and paid for a 3 week trip to Europe WITH CASH in part from Dave's help. We started living on a budget, and although we don't always stick perfectly to the budget, I know where every penny goes every month. It is great to have control over your money. He wrote a book called "The Total Money Makeover" which is well worth reading. I have a copy if anybody wants to borrow it. In fact, I have lots of copies. This past December he was running a special on his books and Carl and I bought a whole bunch to start giving away as wedding presents. Yes, I know we are dorks. In the next 6 months we hope to have our 6 month emergency fund saved and start paying down the mortgage. Wish us luck!

E-Mealz- About a month ago Carl and I started using www.e-mealz.com to help with our meal planning (for the record, we heard about E-Mealz from Dave Ramsey's show). It costs $5 per month but you have to pay for 3 months at a time. Each week we go to the website and it gives us our meal plan (with recipes) and grocery list for that week. There are several different plans to choose from but you can only choose one. You choose how large your family is and what grocery store you shop at. We use the low-fat Wal-Mart meal plan for two. For the first time in my 8 & 1/2 year marriage I actually enjoy cooking. I always know there is something to cook for dinner and my grocery budget has actually gone down.

Jazzercise- When I'm not working Monday, Wednesday, or Friday mornings I attend a Jazzercise class at one of the church houses in town. I thoroughly enjoy it. The instructor's name is Esther and she is so much fun. We joke that we need our "Esthercise." I'm not the most consistent attendee, but I try to go as much as possible.

The fact that January is over- Many of you know how much I loathe January. Well, not only is January over but February is almost over too. That means Spring is on the way!!

Planning for Trek- Every four years our stake takes the 14-18 year olds up to Martin's Cove, Wyoming for a trek experience. This year is a trek year and Carl and I were called as the Ward Trek Coordinators. This means that we will coordinate all of the Trek preparations for our ward and that we get to go with the youth and act as a "Ma and Pa." It will be a lot of work but I am so excited for the experience. It has the possibility to be life changing.

The Olympics- Ever since the Olympics came to Salt Lake in 2002, I have loved watching the Olympics. This year is no exception. I have really enjoyed watching these games in Vancouver. In a way I am kind of relieved they are almost over though. I need to get my life back!

Thanks for reading this indulgent post! If the joy is found in the journey, than I am doing my best to find it.