Going Private

I have a love/hate relationship with this blog. There I times that I feel I have so much to share but I worry about who will be reading it, so I just don't post. There are many changes coming into our lives in the next weeks and months and although I want to document these changes and share them with those I know and love, I want to have control over who can view it. So, if you want to continue reading this blog please leave a comment on this post, contact me on Facebook, or email me. Thanks for the understanding!

May was CRAZY!!

Let me start by saying that I am a glutton for punishment. I recognize this weakness and am working on turning it into a strength. Until that day comes, I have a feeling my life will remain crazy. For example, I am at work in early May when my boss calls and wants to talk to me. Somehow in a 5 minute conversation I agree to give an hour long presentation 4 weeks later at the Utah Pharmacists Association Convention (aka "The Dork Convention"). I need to send my presentation title and objective to the UPhA director later that same day and have my full presentation prepared, slideshow and all, less than 2 weeks later. Fortunately for me the presentation went very well and I actually had a nice time at convention (the fact that it is held in St. George and I went with 2 of my favorite technicians helped immensely).

I also had the wonderful, fabulous, incredible opportunity to fly to Austin, TX over Memorial Day weekend for a girls-only getaway with 4 of my roommates from freshman year at BYU. I've come to realize that it probably isn't the brightest thing in the world to allow 18 year-old girls to live alone together without "adult" supervision but I wouldn't trade that year of my life for anything, and I am so grateful that I am still in touch with these amazing women. It has been over 10 years since we first met and life has taken us in many different directions. I love how when we get together again it is like nothing ever changed. What a wonderful feeling it is to be known so well (through ups and downs and mistakes and trials, etc. etc.) and yet still be liked. We had a great time eating lots of authentic Texas barbecue (if I was anemic before I'm not anymore after all the red meat I ate), floating down the river, hiking "pregnant-lady" style (3 out of the 5 of us are pregnant at the moment so we couldn't exert ourselves too intenseley), shopping, looking at old picture albums, and talking late into the night. Thanks again ladies for creating more wonderful memories with me.
Somewhere in the middle of crazy May I also found out that I am having a baby girl!! I paid extra for a gender ultrasound at 16 weeks (I'm not impatient, just really excited) and sure enough, she's a girl. Carl and I didn't have a preference either way, but I admit it is really fun to know...not that I've had any time to actually shop for any cute girl stuff or begin looking at nursery colors...that will happen in August after Trek is over. For those of you who asked, I am due on October 31st and have been feeling great. I was slightly nauseous from 6-11 weeks but have felt really good since. Maybe I've earned an easy pregnancy after all the difficulties I had getting pregnant. My 20 week ultrasound is next week and I am excited and nervous at the same time. The gender ultrasound wasn't diagnostic in any way so there is a chance that something could be wrong and it just hasn't been discovered yet. I'll think positive. I am also hoping to get a good view of her face. At the gender ultrasound she was hiding her face and so all I got were beautiful pictures of her bum and her foot. Hopefully next week I'll be posting ultrasound pictures of her profile too.

Goodnight until then!

The magic of ordinary days

Several years ago I read a book titled "The Magic of Ordinary Days." I don't remember who wrote it or that it was a particularly life-changing story, but I do remember the title. It seems like my life is filled with ordinary days. Not in a bad, "my life is so miserable and dull" sort of way (I'm not writing this post for the sake of complaining or venting), just in a "not a lot changes from day-to-day" sort of way. I get up in the morning, go to work, come home, and start over the next day. I'm not a horrible pharmacist but I don't consider myself to be amazingly outstanding at my job either. I can be very impatient, easily frustrated, and I feel like there are days where every ounce of compassion is sucked out of me like a date with a dementor. I love working with the Young Women at church, but I wonder if everything I ever say to them goes in one ear and out the other. I am very grateful for the opportunity I have to plan Trek this year, but in so doing I feel like every one of my weaknesses and insecurites is staring me blatantly right in the face (if you ever need a good laugh, ask me about the borderline nervous breakdown I had last week because I couldn't schedule the cultural hall at the church for a Trek mutual activity. If ever you need verification of your own sanity, this should do the trick). Don't get me wrong, I love my ordinary life. I've never been the type that feels jealous of celebrities or powerful people. There is comfort in predictability and ambiguity. The trick is finding the magic in ordinary days. I'm not always good at it, but I'm trying. I have experiences at work almost every day where the little things I do or say make someone's day. I've seen many YW I've worked with grow into beautiful, amazing women. Trek may be the death of me, but I have a wonderful support system of friends and neighbors who are willing to help me out with planning and preparations. And just yesterday I got to hear the beautiful sound of a tiny heartbeat belonging to a life growing inside of me. THAT was a magical sound that I've been waiting a long time to hear. Not to mention the fact that every single ordinary day I get to be married to a wonderful man.
Speaking of the wonderful man, here is a picture of us taken last week during a hike to the Battle Creek waterfall in Pleasant Grove (I'm embarrassed to admit that it's been so long since I've posted a picture on my blog that I almost forgot how to plug my camera into the computer...maybe when the baby comes in October I'll actually turn in to a good blogger...I guess only time will tell).

A Few Things I Love Right Now

Simply because I have nothing better to blog about, here are a few things I love right now:

Dave Ramsey- For those of you who don't know, Dave Ramsey is a financial guru whose main goal is to get Americans out of debt. He has a radio show that broadcasts (at least in Utah) in the evenings from 7:00 to 10:00 (go to www.DaveRamsey.com for more info). Carl and I really started on his plan about 9 months ago and I can't even begin to tell you how much it has helped. We cut up the credit cards, completely paid off my student loans, and paid for a 3 week trip to Europe WITH CASH in part from Dave's help. We started living on a budget, and although we don't always stick perfectly to the budget, I know where every penny goes every month. It is great to have control over your money. He wrote a book called "The Total Money Makeover" which is well worth reading. I have a copy if anybody wants to borrow it. In fact, I have lots of copies. This past December he was running a special on his books and Carl and I bought a whole bunch to start giving away as wedding presents. Yes, I know we are dorks. In the next 6 months we hope to have our 6 month emergency fund saved and start paying down the mortgage. Wish us luck!

E-Mealz- About a month ago Carl and I started using www.e-mealz.com to help with our meal planning (for the record, we heard about E-Mealz from Dave Ramsey's show). It costs $5 per month but you have to pay for 3 months at a time. Each week we go to the website and it gives us our meal plan (with recipes) and grocery list for that week. There are several different plans to choose from but you can only choose one. You choose how large your family is and what grocery store you shop at. We use the low-fat Wal-Mart meal plan for two. For the first time in my 8 & 1/2 year marriage I actually enjoy cooking. I always know there is something to cook for dinner and my grocery budget has actually gone down.

Jazzercise- When I'm not working Monday, Wednesday, or Friday mornings I attend a Jazzercise class at one of the church houses in town. I thoroughly enjoy it. The instructor's name is Esther and she is so much fun. We joke that we need our "Esthercise." I'm not the most consistent attendee, but I try to go as much as possible.

The fact that January is over- Many of you know how much I loathe January. Well, not only is January over but February is almost over too. That means Spring is on the way!!

Planning for Trek- Every four years our stake takes the 14-18 year olds up to Martin's Cove, Wyoming for a trek experience. This year is a trek year and Carl and I were called as the Ward Trek Coordinators. This means that we will coordinate all of the Trek preparations for our ward and that we get to go with the youth and act as a "Ma and Pa." It will be a lot of work but I am so excited for the experience. It has the possibility to be life changing.

The Olympics- Ever since the Olympics came to Salt Lake in 2002, I have loved watching the Olympics. This year is no exception. I have really enjoyed watching these games in Vancouver. In a way I am kind of relieved they are almost over though. I need to get my life back!

Thanks for reading this indulgent post! If the joy is found in the journey, than I am doing my best to find it.

The Joys of Being a Redhead

This past week I was at Wal-Mart standing in the aisle trying to find a particular item that I needed. This old man and his wife walk past me and he stops and says "Your hair is so beautiful." He then turns to his wife, puts his arm around her, and says "But I am partial to redheads." Her hair was very very obviously dyed a shade of red that just wasn't natural. It made me laugh and made my day.

Coming To Terms

I am sorry if I grossed anybody out over my last post. I was home sick and needed to vent. I guess that is what this blog is for. Yes, I am feeling much better now, although it was a pretty lousy weekend. And no, I am not pregnant. I have pretty much given up hope of becoming pregnant anytime soon, and I am coming to terms with that. After failing my first round of fertility treatments I am beginning to feel that I am fighting against fate. It's just not meant to be right now. I think I am ready for a break. I am tired of the emotional roller coaster every month and feeling like my world revolves around my menstrual cycle (I am sure you wanted to hear that, too). I am starting to accept the fact that all of my friends from high school will have kids in high school when I finally have a baby, and you know what, it's OK. I used to get annoyed when people would tell me to "enjoy this time before you have kids because you never get it back." Isn't 8 1/2 years long enough? I used to feel bitter about my job, thinking that if I knew it would take this long to start a family I would have made different career decisions within the pharmacy profession and that my "sacrifice" to stay where I was was for nothing. I am starting to get over these feelings. When I really think about it, these past couple of years have been a blessing. I paid off my student loans, traveled the world, and have spent some wonderful time with Carl without being a student (something that didn't happen until we had been married for over 6 years). That doesn't mean that I won't have an occasional breakdown in church or feel out of place with my friends, it just means that I'm learning to be grateful for the situation that I'm in.

Sick Day

I work out in Tooele once a week, and although it is a long drive, I really enjoy the pharmacy and the great techs who work out there. Yesterday was my day to work in Tooele. It started out fine and dandy until about 2:00 PM, when I started feeling queasy. I thought I was just hungry so I ate my lunch thinking I would start to feel better, but I just got progressively worse. By 5:00 I was lying on the floor in the break room and the techs were bringing me prescriptions to check...not a pretty sight and certainly not conducive to good patient care (fortunately it wasn't very busy by this point). One of the clerks called Sheldon, the pharmacy owner/manager, who came in so I could go home. Unfortunately I live over an hour from Tooele and unfortunately Carl was at a Scout campout in Kamas for the night. Let's just say the drive home wasn't pretty. I ended up puking all over my car driving on I-80 towards Salt Lake. I called my mom who, fortunately, was home. I made it to her house in Sandy without any more incidents but my car was a complete disgusting mess. Being the angel that she is, she cleaned my car up along with help from my wonderful step-dad Brent, so I could go take a bath and lay down. I ended up staying there for the night so I wouldn't have to be alone. I came home this morning and am feeling a little better, but I miss my husband. He went straight from the campout in Kamas to West Jordan for drill. I hope he won't be too late. All I can say, is I am SO GRATEFUL for a sweet mother who is still willing to take care of me although I am 28 years old. It's also a good thing I have Monday off so I can take the time to go get my car detailed.